I turn 33 tomorrow and it feels weird to say. I mean I know that isn’t old or anything but it just feels like it was so far away. Like just last year I was 27 or even 25… but no. It’s 10:24 and in just a few hours I will cross the threshold of my Jesus year.
A Jesus year is symbolic of sacrifice for some and re-birth for others. For me I see it as a year of realization and humbling. I don’t mean humbling in the sense of ‘girl have several seats’ but being humbled in the sense of realizing what you thought was true… may not be.
This humbling is a long time coming and slowly over the years I have had to reconcile what I was taught and what I now know to be true. There are so many things that I thought I knew and life has made a complete liar out of me.
My grandma used to always say “Just keep living” and it was usually after I had made some declaration of what I would never allow or how ‘that could never be me’. She would simply smile and say…
Just Keep Living Baby…
She never explained what she meant but boy was she right. Just keep waking up and going to bed at night and you will see things you never thought you’d see. You’ll do things that you never thought you would do.
I used to laugh at this picture of Beyonce because it seemed so crazy that a child had one of the most influential women in the world feeding her snacks at the Grammys, you know like a regular mom. I have confidently stated that my children would never run me. Well here I am… being ran like Usain Bolt. Mason is my track coach and he definitely keeps me in shape.
I said that you wouldn’t catch me bargaining with a child but I am now a master negotiator. If you eat these 4 oz of food I’ll let you watch Moana AND Trolls. If I need to stand on my head and do a dance to get you to take a bath I MOST CERTAINLY WILL!!
I said my house would always be clean regardless of how many children I had… let’s not even talk about that. If you grew up like me then you probably spent most of your Saturday cleaning the entire house before you could even think about leaving. My truth is that I don’t aspire to use my time in that way. I’d much rather spend my time with my family doing things other than cleaning. I’ve realized that anyone can clean and def much better than I can. I don’t have a lot of memories of going to the zoo or an art gallery with my parents. We hardly ever traveled or did things as a family and I want the narrative to be different for my children.
I have absolutely no desire for a big house. Updated… yes but a large amount of square footage… no. I don’t like to decorate and I’m not interested in keeping it all organized and clean.
I also said I would never drive a minivan. Well here I am salivating at the idea of one of those amazing family vehicles. Has anyone ever parked so close to your car that you can’t put the carrier in the car? Then you have to put the baby in the trunk and backed out just so you can put your child in the car? The struggle is soooo real! If it makes my life easier then I could care less about what anyone thinks about the look of it. If you’re still judging people by the type of car they drive in the year of our Lord 2019… Grow up!
Still here I am, pregnant with a 1 year old and the best exercise I get is breathing. This year for me is and will be all about GRACE. Grace for myself and for those around me. What I am learning is that people are really out here doing the best that they can with what they have and they shouldn’t be shamed for that. Well most people anyway…
I’m going to be drinking my water and minding my business all 2019 and hopefully you will too.